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Show me what I'm feeling...1

Pictures often speak to me a lot more than words ever could. It might be something to do with the fact that I study words; doing that makes you realise how accidental and silly most meanings are. After all, if a meaning just arose because of a slang or an accident then how could it possibly, accurately describe this weird BIG feeling I'm having now. I think that's why I like pictures so much. They speak.

So I think I'm going to start posting pictures when they particularly sing to me. Indulge me.

Lately I have been seeing an amazing amount of posts floating around on the subject on mental health. I am awed by the bravery of these bloggers and also the accepting nature of the community in response to them. Sadly it is something I am not quite prepared to write yet but I did think this picture spoke a little as to what some of us feel sometimes.

Obviously black cats are very beautiful, they don't NEED white on them but EVERYONE else has it. There is incredible strength in numbers. I am going through a little bit of an awkward situation at the moment (I am sure I will talk about it one day, when I am safely out of the chance of repercussions and my posts could count as advise rather than just venting) which has just reminded me that some playground attitudes remain the same always. I am in the familiar situation where being 'different' is suddenly a bad thing. It is so confusing. I remember this so well from school; wearing bright clothes, cutting all your hair off, being interested in weird topics- it just doesn't float with young kids; they take safety in numbers. As I got older it suddenly became NECESSARY to be different. Suddenly at the stroke of seventeen everyone started trying to convince everyone else they had 'something' about them and the kids who were ignored for 'differences' suddenly got a quiet reverence. For the last couple of years I have got on decidedly well with people but it is sad to remember that may only be because they are allowing it; they are saying "oh, she's artistic so she's different" whereas ten years ago they would have said the same thing as an insult.

Right now I really feel like the black cat. I am in a situation where once again there is a group which I am different from and naturally that is hard. I am not saying that they are wrong in anyway in being different from me, I am only saying that it is a shame to see differences as a negative. Of course this is upsetting... mainly because this sort of thing is so much worse when you're an adult! When you're a kid you can reply or shout back at the insults; they are out there for all to see and hear and accept and explain themselves to. It is a whole lot harder to counter people-going-quiet-when-you-enter-a-room, or sideways-glances-at-each other, or comments-which-could-be-taken-both-ways. It is much harder to be a black cat when everyone else is not. I just have to keep remembering that there are groups of black cats out there and its only a matter of time before I am with them!

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